Well everyone, today I want to do something a little out of the ordinary and share the birth story of our 4th child, Silas Jospeh. It is a story of how sometimes, our plans don’t end how we want; yet, through it all, God is still good. Here’s my home birth turned c-section story… and why, as best as I can tell, it went the way that it did.

If you aren’t interested in this topic, please, feel free to skip right over this post. I love a good birth story, as I know many other moms do, but if that’s not you then please don’t feel like this is something you should read. Go for it only if you want to: And yes, while this is a story of disappointment for me (for the birth itself), the ending is a good one, and I hope it will be an encouragement to someone.

Warning: This story is a long one! You may want to read it in pieces, but I’m going to keep it all in one post for my own sake; that is, at least for now.

To the moms who’ve had c-sections:

I’d like to start off by saying, I realize there are differing feelings on this topic. Many people choose a c-section as their Plan A for childbirth. And if that’s you, please don’t read this post as being critical of you in any way. The difficulty for me in this outcome is that it wasn’t my Plan A… and I think we can all understand that disappointed hope is a hard thing to swallow.

If you, like me, have had a c-section and didn’t want one… I hope this post can offer some encouragement that God knows your story and has a good purpose for it!

A little background on me

As I mentioned above, this baby is my 4th. My largest baby prior to this one (Albert) was born at 7lbs 15 ounces at 41 weeks + 1 day gestation. My other two were 6 lbs 9 ounces (our oldest, born at 38 weeks), and 7 lbs 2 ounces (our second oldest, born at 39+1 weeks).

This time, I had no reason to expect that we would be welcoming a baby much bigger than 8 lbs (or so I thought!) Also, since our lives are significantly more settled at the moment than they were with our last baby, I suspected that we might welcome this little one a little earlier than full term… More like my first two children, who both arrived early (but still at a good time).

My birth history

All 3 of my children prior to this baby were born at home with a midwife. They were all beautiful, positive, empowering experiences. Natural childbirth is one the hardest, most vulnerable, most empowering, and most bonding experiences I’ve ever experienced, and I consider it a great gift from the hand of God to be able to carry and deliver babies. I have loved my home births, and honestly I have felt far more comfortable with the idea of having babies in my own home than going to the hospital.

That said, of course, I wanted to have that same positive experience of birthing at home again. Also, being from a large family with an almost 0% c-section rate, I thought my odds were pretty good of staying away from that outcome. I have learned a lot about the process of birth, and I know that a lot of preventative measures can be taken to ensure that baby’s position is good going into labour, and from having successfully delivered 3 babies without medication, I knew I wasn’t likely to end up with a c-section based on complications from interventions.

Natural childbirth vs. c-section: My feelings

When they are necessary, I am so grateful that c-sections are an option. There was a time in history when certain birth complications would claim the life of the mother, the baby, or both. Cesarian sections are a modern way to avoid that outcome in such rare cases, and for that I am so grateful.

Having covered that, I never wanted to have one (and I hope I never need one again!). I believe in the process of childbirth as a natural and good thing that women are built to be able to do, and having had 3 children that way before, I know that I am able to do it. Even a large baby, for me, is not a reason to shy away from this natural, hard, and good process.

There is a lot to be said on this topic (much of which I’m not going to try to cover), but ultimately here’s my feelings about c-sections: I never wanted to have one unless it was absolutely needed.

The weeks leading up to our home birth turned c-section

Somewhere between 32-35 weeks into this pregnancy, my midwife began to notice that our baby was lying transverse. I had experienced this with my previous baby as well; for a good while, he kept to a transverse position. But, with some intentional effort, using the Miles Circuit and Spinning Babies exercises, my third baby had turned head down and was born at home with no major issues.

Since I had experienced turning a baby successfully, and knowing that babies usually do turn head down in time for birth (somehow, they know what to do!), I wasn’t too worried… But I also wanted to be proactive to help encourage this baby to turn. So, I started doing the same exercises that I had before. And, as I expected, the baby did turn head down pretty quickly, so I continued on my way pretty content.

A shift in position

My goal is always to be ready for the arrival of baby (in all the practical ways) by 37 weeks. (That’s when you’re safe to deliver the baby at home.) So, having a normal pregnancy with a head down baby, I got to work cooking and preparing freezer meals for the postpartum season, as well as doing all of the laundry for the birth and baby, and getting all of my supplies together for the recovery period. I was on track with all of it, and when I went in for my 36-37 week appointment, I was surprised to find out that our baby had flipped back into the transverse position again.

At that point, we were concerned. I got appointments for regular chiropractic care, and we began monitoring the baby to check the position often. It felt like every day I had an appointment somewhere; and when I was home, I was doing all of the exercises and things I knew to do to turn that baby head-down. We also asked friends and family to pray. Overall, I still wasn’t too worried… I still had time, after all.

The reasons for concern

If you aren’t sure why a transverse (sideways lying) baby would cause all of this concern, there were a few things we had to keep in mind.

1. If my water would break (as it did with my first baby), there is a much higher risk of cord prolapse, which is a true life-threatening emergency.
2. Babies cannot be born sideways… They have to come out either head or bum down (with the latter, breech position, having its own risks and complications). If my baby would not turn, a c-section would be necessary for the baby to be born.
3. While the baby could turn out of a transverse position, there is no promising that it would be head down… it could also flip breech. And breech birth is a much higher risk situation, with many obstetricians preferring to deliver by c-section rather than risk a natural breech delivery.

There are possibly more reasons for concern that those, but those were the main ones on my mind.

At this time, we also started having lots of conversations with our care providers about what to do if anything seemed to be happening. We also booked an appointment for an ECV (External Cephalic Version) at 39 weeks, to try to manually turn the baby from the outside… with the plan that if the baby would turn, we would immediately induce labour to prevent the baby from turning back before birth.

It seemed, then, that my hopes of a home birth were ended. If the baby didn’t turn, I knew I had to prepare myself for a hospital birth by induction.

The sweetness of Scripture

At 38 weeks and 5 days (2 days before my scheduled ECV), our baby still had not turned. I remember going into our chiropractor for an appointment, feeling so sore, tired and discouraged. My body felt so heavy during this pregnancy, and all of the exercises to turn the baby (in addition to being a mom of 3 kids 4 and under) were physically exhausting. The words of Psalm 23 ran through my mind:

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul…”

I choked back tears at “He restores my soul.” They were words of hope, but I felt like I was running out of time for hope.

That particular chiropractic adjustment was VERY painful. But… I did feel what seemed like movement… maybe? So, I felt some hope well up in me again, and we headed home.

A miracle! And sweet relief

On our way home from my chiropractic appointment, I started having contractions. They were a little more intense than the usual Braxton Hicks contractions that I always experience in the weeks leading up to labour… and, part of the way home, I began timing them. After a few hours of contractions keeping a fairly regular pattern, and getting closer together, I decided to contact my midwife. She told me to get myself to the hospital for an assessment.

When we got there… What joy! They did a bedside ultrasound and found that the baby had turned– head down! She sent me home to continue progressing, and told me to call when things started to pick up.

Prodromal labour/false labour

After 8 hours of regular contractions (and a midwife visit to check my progress), my contractions started to fade. I’d already experienced false labour with my last baby (multiple times), so this didn’t surprise me too much… Although, it was disappointing. We had taken our kids to my in-laws to spend the night, and in the end realized that the baby had decided to stay inside for a little while longer.

My midwife instructed me to wear a maternity belt to help keep the baby snugly in place, and just hang in there. Also, since the baby had turned and things seemed to be moving in a good direction, the ECV to turn the baby was no longer needed. So, we cancelled that appointment, and we continued to wait.

Disappointed

At 39 weeks and 6 days, the day before my due date, I had my 40 week midwife appointment. At this point I had already had 2 more rounds (a little shorter those times) of false labour, and off and on every day I was having irregular contractions. I began to suspect that when labour started, it was going to be quick! All of that preliminary work definitely seemed to do that to my last labour (which was only 3.5 hours)… so I kept that in the back of my mind.

Going to our 40 week appointment, we were excited to be closer to welcoming our baby! I decided I wanted to try a couple of things to see if we could stir up some action. So, we planned to pick up a delicious spicy meal at a local restaurant we had been wanting to try after our appointment.

However, that was not to be… At my appointment, our midwife felt the position of our baby… her face dropped, and she informed me: This baby had turned transverse again. She quickly got on the phone to try to see if we could get an ECV scheduled again for as soon as possible. The soonest, she thought, would be that Saturday (2 days away).

We also went back to the hospital for yet another ultrasound to confirm position (there were so many ultrasounds, I can’t even record them all accurately). During that one, however, the estimated weight of the baby was a whopping 10lbs 3oz! Which seemed WAY too big to me, and knowing those estimates to be often wrong, I didn’t think too much of it.

Doing our best

In the meantime, we went home discouraged but determined to keep trying. I immediately booked myself for as many chiropractic adjustments as were reasonable and possible, and I went right back to doing whatever positions or exercises I knew to try to turn the baby. We got another appointment on the Friday (40 weeks +1 day) with the OB for an ultrasound and assessment about getting another ECV. That late in the game, apparently, they aren’t always possible (nor are they likely to work).

Friday came, and I left that appointment so discouraged. They were willing to try an ECV on Monday (nothing sooner was available), but they wanted to book a c-section following if it was not successful.

I couldn’t commit immediately. It was too hard. I did not want that. So, we went for a walk by the riverfront, prayed about it, asked for some input from a couple of people, and decided to call and book the appointment for an ultrasound, ECV, and C-Section (should it come to that). I requested some time between the ECV and c-section (a few hours) to process and grieve, should the ECV fail. They agreed to that for me.

Asking for prayer and meditating on the Word of God

Once we found ourselves in this position, we reached out to all of the people we knew had been praying for us (and a few more) to ask for prayer, and then I kept on thinking, again, about Psalm 23:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

Spontaneous labour

That night, before bed, I decided to do more exercises and positions to try to move the baby. I was having some mild contractions, but nothing much different than I had been for the past week. When I finished, I went to bed and noticed, almost immediately– movement! I was so encouraged! Standing up, I felt where I had observed the baby’s head to be before… it had moved!

It seemed that the baby had turned head down. And then… contractions. Within 15 minutes of that movement, my contractions fell into a pattern. And then got quite strong. And closer. I didn’t tell James immediately (after 3 rounds of false labour in the days prior, I decided to let him sleep), but after about an hour of timing them, I woke him up and told him that I thought we needed to page our midwife. I also texted my sister, who lives close to the hospital: “Any chance you’re awake?” Miraculously, she was! She told us we could bring our other children to her place.

Excited that I thought the baby had turned, and that labour had begun (before the ECV – which I was so thankful for), we got our groggy kiddos out of their beds, grabbed our pre-packed bags, and piled into the car to take me to the hospital. I arrived around 1:30am, and James dropped me off at the door where my midwife was waiting for me. Then he took the kids to my sister’s house, and came back to meet me.

Grief

Once inside the hospital, we went right up to OB triage to get an ultrasound to confirm the baby’s position. My contractions were definitely the real thing, and already about 2-3 minutes apart. They took a look at the baby… and sure enough, the baby had turned: breech. And not even a true breech… a sort of oblique lying breech.

The OB on call was summoned, and she said she would check to see if turning the baby was still an option. But… in a nutshell, she felt that my contractions were too strong to fight, and she wasn’t comfortable to deliver a baby in that type of breech position, especially with an estimated weight of 10 lbs 3oz. She suggested an immediate c-section. I asked her if I could have a bit of time to try more exercises between contractions, but she felt that given my history of fast labours… even an hour might be too long to wait.

Home birth turned c-section: Living the reality

I nodded my head and began to cry. Nurses whizzed around me, helping me get into a gown, sign the consent forms, drink something to help my stomach, and get hooked up to an IV. It was too late to keep trying. It was time for our baby to come, and despite my very best efforts… I no longer felt like I had a choice but go through with the c-section.

The rest is a story of tears, trembling, grief, vulnerability, and eventually, being handed my baby. I felt in some ways like my ability to be his mom in that moment was taken from me. The best part of the whole experience was my sweet husband James, sitting next to me, and then marvelling at the beauty of our child and holding him close to my face while they put me back together after the surgery.

Finding the good

I told some people when I asked for prayer that if God would lead me to a c-section, He would lead me through it, and for that I was (and am) very thankful. He was with us for sure, and I have spent considerable time reflecting on the many ways, big and small, that He was present with us and providing for us.

While I still want to ask the question, “Why,” I also know that God is trustworthy and He is good. Whatever His reasons, I know, they are good. And there is peace in that confidence.

Reflecting on the character of Christ

One thing that hit me when I got home from the hospital was this: I have spent a lot of time in the last few weeks thinking about Psalm 23, reciting and reading it to myself, and finding comfort in it. Yet, I remember prior to all of this happening that I kept tripping over the phrase “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,” thinking to myself, “Well that part doesn’t really apply here…”

The thing is, I don’t know that. I have wondered: maybe I did walk through the valley of the shadow of death; yet, I did not fear any evil because He was with me. His rod and staff, they comforted me. And here I am, alive and well with a beautiful baby boy… Not even aware of what might have been, had this not been the valley my Shepherd led me through.

It made me think, how often do we take our very lives for granted. How many times has the Lord protected us from evils we can’t even see or perceive are there. Yet, we’ve had no fear because He was with us, leading us and comforting us all the way.

He was with me

As I think back, I am thankful for so many ways the Lord has been kind to us and present with us through this process. Here are some of them:

I’m thankful for the days we had after our baby turned head down, before he turned transverse again.

Those were peaceful moments leading up to this birth. If his position had been poor that whole time, those weeks would have been stressful; but instead, they were filled with joyful anticipation.

It’s a blessing that we knew ahead of time that this was going to be a hospital birth.

That was the first step I needed to mentally take to make this process happen, and it was a hard one for me. I’m thankful that God allowed me to process and accept that well ahead of time.

The timing was perfect.

Since I went into labour on a Friday night, it meant that many of my family who would have been working had the weekend off. This meant that they were available to help us with our kids. My sister “Just so happened” to be awake when I texted her in labour in the wee hours of the morning. My midwife “happened” to be thinking of me and awake at that time as well. And (I found out later), my OB who was going to do our ECV just so “happened” to be awake at the minute our son was born, thinking of me as well, wondering how our birth was going to go.

I couldn’t have changed it.

I’m so grateful that when I look back, I really don’t know what I could have done differently. It seems that God orchestrated the whole thing… and so, while I wish it didn’t have to go this way, I also feel like there is nothing for which to reproach myself, and I can leave the events and their outcomes in the hands of the Lord.

We didn’t pick the birthday.

I love the surprise of when babies show up; I love when the Lord picks their birthday. Maybe it’s silly, but I didn’t want to “Schedule” a c-section because I didn’t want to pick my baby’s birthday. And, thankfully, I didn’t have to.

Everything went well.

Despite all of the risks and things that can go awry, my surgery seemed to be a pretty textbook one with no complications. So far, my recovery has also been good. I am thankful for this.

Silas is a sweet, easy baby so far.

Laying in my hospital room, unable to pick him up on my own, I was stunned by how sweet and quiet he was. Self-soothing, calm, and sweet.

We have been well cared for.

Family and friends have rallied around us, helping with our kids, helping us with meals, etc. I feel very seen and loved.

I have learned a greater degree of compassion.

2 Corinthian 1:3-4 reads, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

I know that I am not alone in this experience… and God is gracious not to waste our hardships, but to allow them to make us more like Him.

Healing

That, my friends, is my home birth turned c-section story. It was hard, but it is beautiful because I know that God is faithful, and I am experiencing that truth more every day.

This story is not the one I would have picked for myself, but (like Jospeh in the Bible), I hope that I can walk in the shoes I’ve been given with character and trust, believing that God meant it all for good.

Our birth announcement

To close off this post, I wanted to share our birth announcement, since it gives a few of the fun birth details and an explanation of the name we chose for our boy. This is what I sent to friends and family when he was born:

___________________________

My other birth stories:

• 1 – The Birth Story of Faith Yvette
• 2 – The Birth Story of William John
• 3 – The Birth Story of Albert Walter

So there you have it: Home birth turned c-section, and then… grief met with hope & joy. Our sweet little Silas is a beautiful gift, and his birth story is just part of a bigger story that has yet to unfold. Through it all, God is faithful!

Thank you for reading this story. <3

–Naomi